A Spark, in the makings of a small Flame.

Who knew that a job interview could inspire you to want to work somewhere else??

Huh.

I went for an interview with a Long Island based company this morning for a job title that I could see myself being head over heels in lust with - an Event Coordinator. Between all the themed holiday parties, a baby shower, and retirement party that I have under my belt thus far (not to mention my fake wedding that I've already started assembling), how PERFECT would that title be for me? And to go even further, the position being offered was entry level with PAID training..... *enter drool sequence*

What I soon found out wasn't a complete nightmare, but things weren't as they seemed.. or rather, as I had expected. Pretty much, this was a marketing/sales influenced situation. Neither of which I have experience in nor a real desire to pursue off-hand. After speaking with this particular site's manager, I left feeling unusually defeated. I was approached with questions that involved me having to explain myself professionally and personally, in terms of like Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What sort of goals do you have for yourself? To my sudden discovery: I had no idea, and a really bad answer. I said:

I can't set long term goals for myself.

To a potential EMPLOYER I said that. For me personally, the interview went sort of hodge-podge and on a more or less downhill decline from there. My mind was blurred. My thinking was delayed. My answers were supposedly contradicting themselves. And worse more, I began doubting myself. To the credit of the manager interviewing me, she saw that perhaps this position wasn't what I was looking for, but that if I were interested in coming back in for a field trial, she'd consider me for spending part of a day with a training manager out on a job with actual clients, and perhaps then I could see if this is indeed something I'm looking to do or not.

I went to the grocery store afterward and wandered around in a daze.. couldn't focus. I couldn't get those questions she asked me out of my head. I have no goals... I have no long-term plans... WHAT??? And while in some respect that's ok, in another, more rational and realistic respect, I have responsibilities and finances to deal with and therefore MUST have a job. But doing what? Again, I really, really don't know..

Driving on the highway with my groceries in back, a New York Blood Center truck with an "emergency transport" sign on the side glides by me.. and this brought me back to what I initially took a leave off from working at the Met to do. I left because I wanted to be in a position that was more people oriented, where I could be helpful and creative, and that benefits a good cause. That's why I support organizations like the ASPCA, WFUV, a public funded radio station that plays and supports independent musicians, and yes, the New York Blood Center.

An inspiring spark..

A new goal in a shorter term of extended time: Pursuing a good-will organization via volunteer work. It's a start...

When "Go for it" seems to be the only option, how can I fail?